Wednesday, March 7, 2012

If I Didn't Have to Spend My Hard Earned Cash on Stupid Things Like Food and Shelter, I'd Buy All This Cool Kitchen Gear

Have you ever had a summer bash or cookout where you had more thirsty guests than you had bottles of cold brewskis? (Which necessitated implementing the proverbial "beer run" strategy).

Or have you ever ended the month with more bills than had money to pay them? (Which necessitated implementing the proverbial "bounced check" strategy).

I didn't think so.

So we should approach this next topic as purely hypothetical.

There's a lot of cool kitchen gear out there. And I'm not talking about top-of-the-line KitchenAid mixers or Viking Gas stoves or even that thirty-seven piece All Clad cookware set you've been drooling over ever since your neighbor auctioned off a kidney and purchased one.

Not that this stuff isn't cool. It is.

No, what I'm talking about is the *really* cool kitchen gear. Cool as in what would Anthony Stark (from Iron Man) have in his kitchen given his financial horsepower and quirky sense of humor.

I'm talking the kind of stuff I would buy if I didn't have to waste all of my hard earned cash on stupid things like food, clothes and shelter.

I'm talking ultra-cool stuff like this:

Electric Spaghetti Twirler

Who has time to twirl spaghetti? I don't. That's why I'd buy this electric spaghetti twirler. Load it up with a couple of AAA batteries and you're good to go. (I hear it's also good for cleaning the lint out of your navel and the wax out of your dog's ears).

Herb Scissors

Snipping and chopping herbs is another huge waste of time. With these babies you can blast right through this menial chore. This gadget would also be great for cutting the kids' hair. You can get done in 1/4 of the time, which will give you more time to enjoy your:

Kernal Cutter

At first glance, this appears to be a real time saver. But to me, this looks downright scary to have around the house. Especially if your wife gets ticked off real easy. I think I'd rather have a loaded weapon lying around than one of these babies. Maybe something along the lines of:

The BA-K-47
Made of pure bacon, this semi-automatic weapon is perfect for warding off trespassers, burglars, and those pesky vegetarians who just cannot shut up about the glories of their chosen diet.

So...if you had the financial horsepower of Tony Stark, what cool things would you add to your kitchen?

46 comments:

  1. Why, I'd add YOU, Warren.... my personal Chef! :) actually, I'd buy some of those funky Rachel Ray casserole dishes that look like hats :)

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    1. @The Mess Hall Chef. Deal, Soni! Heck, I'll even bring the Rachel Ray casserole dishes. :-D

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    2. bring your family and we will have a true yours,mine and ours mess hall feast :)

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    3. @The Mess Hall Chef. Indeed! Do you still want me to bring the casserole dishes? :-)

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  2. Have you seen the OCD cutting board? Yeah, probably one of those..

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    1. @Heather. Love it! Check your stocking this Christmas. I know this guy up north... ;-)

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  3. I must say the kernel cutter, although a waste of money, looks like a fun gadget to have a round!

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    1. @Nish. Well, Nish, I guess "fun" is in the eye of the beholder, lol. (It still makes me nervous!)

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  4. Just bring Rachel Ray ... and you get to entertain me with all your wit. I love how you think ... esp for the corn kernel cutter! LMAO!!!! Oh, bring your wife too otherwise she might really use it :) I'm only interested in you for your brain, really.

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    1. @ping. I will try to bring Rachel, Ping, but no promises. If she's a no show, at least we can laff! (What? You're only interested in my brain? I bet you say that to all the chefs who post unusual kitchen gadgets on their blog, lol!)

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  5. Replies
    1. @Rugrat Chow. Glad the BA-K-47 brought a smile! As a vegetarian, I appreciate the fact that your sense of humor is alive and well, lol! (btw, I am vegetarian, like, 6 months out of the year...)

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  6. I think the Electric Spaghetti Twirler is a pure waste of money... hehehe

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    1. @Smitten By Food. I agree, Miss Smit'n, it's not at the top of my list for cost effectiveness at the dinner table, but man, you should see how clean my dog's ears are! LOL

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    1. @Jennifer@Peanut Butter and Peppers. You can have mine, Jennifer. I don't want that thing anywhere near the house. :-D

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  8. Hello,

    You have an amazing blog and I love it. THANK YOU for requesting Friend in food buzz.
    I hope you will visit my blog too…

    Mode de vie Culinaire ♥
    http://deathofalldieticians.posterous.com/

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    1. @Mode de vie Culinaire. Thanks for dropping by, D - feel free to do so often! I'm now following you via RSS. :-)

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  9. If the corn kernel shucker would keep the kernels from flying all over the kitchen, I'd use that.
    The pasta swirler...looks hard to clean. I take a soup ladle and a big fork and pick up pasta and twirl inside the soup ladle then transfer to the plate. Easier to clean utensils.
    I'm all about easy clean up.
    My husband on the other hand will take the BA-K-47.

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    1. @Pam Rauber. I'm glad the hubs likes the BA-K-47! Just one piece of advice, make sure he stores it out of the dog's reach. :-)

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  10. Thats like a TV Market fan wet dream... When I read about Kernal Cutter I nearly spat my tea. Im getting one for my future husband just so he will be aware of possible danger hahaha. Once again, Thank You for a good laugh, you always make me smile. Wishing you all the best, hugs all the way from Ireland! :)

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    1. @Little Housewife. This is too funny! You're always welcome to come around - I'm a bit far from the Old Sod but if you make guys make it out this way we'll keep the kettle warm. :-)

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  11. Oh I really want the herb scissors! They look great.

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    1. @Sarah. They are cool, aren't they! I'm trying to come up with some additional uses, like cutting up overdue bill notices. :-)

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    1. @Kate. Well, I guess I'll just have to buy two of each! We'll just call them an early Christmas present. Very early... :-D

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  13. Herb scissors are the best thing! I dont have the one you have mentioned, with the triple blades. I just use a normal pair that i've kept in the kitchen solely for that purpose!

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    1. @The Flavor Carousel. I'll take your word for it, Radhika. Now I'm glad I have them on my list! lol!

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  14. I want a kernel cutter, and then I want to throw a big dinner party for my siblings and my BB's siblings and then watch as the male folk wince as I slice my way through cob after cob. Oh, that would be a fun night. Ha! Ha!

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    1. @Kooky Girl. This is so dastardly but so funny! (Oh, and by the way, no need to send me an invitation. I think I will be busy that night. Whatever night...lol)

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  15. Oh! My! Heavens! I think I love me that there BA-K :)

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    1. @Emily Malloy. How could you think of such a tool of violence after posting such a delighful ode to spring on your blog? lol! Oh well, I guess it'll come in handy if anyone complains about your soda bread. I can almost here you saying, "So, you're not fond of the bread, eh? Well, meet my little friend..." :-D

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  16. Holla Warren.. thanks for checking out my blog (dabbling on the hot keyboard since Feb 2012).. and I am subscribing to this blog now-and taking back a smile (got my doggie bag along)
    Hoping to share smiles and recipes. Keep blogging!

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    1. @LoveFood. Thanks for stopping in! Of course, anyone who quotes Jim Morrison in a food blog is always more than welcome. :-)

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  17. All I can say is thank you for the much needed laughter in the midst of my midterm here at Berkeley. I hope one day to be able to afford such luxuries in my kitchen. ;)

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    1. @leahgrant. Glad the post brought some laughter during what must be a rough week. Perhaps you'll ace these exams, graduate with honors, and get a killer job...then you can afford these luxuries! :-)

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  18. Very funny blog and post ... following your feed now :-)

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  19. My favorite is the potato peeler which fits in the palm of your hand and you wear it like a glove. Really? What's wrong with the potato peeler everybody else on the planet uses!?

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    1. @Jen. Indeed! It worked for my mom and her mom and her mom's mom. LOL. Some things don't need to be changed! :-)

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  20. Wooaaa I want that kernel cutter and the herb scissor now!! Its a grt post Warren It makes me go in my "If I Didn't Have to Spend My Hard Earned Cash on Stupid Things Like Foo'd and Shelter, I'd Buy All This Cool Kitchen Gear" too :D

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  21. This is such a funny post! The corn one seems the most useful for sure

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  22. This is a great post. Made me laugh! But really I do want the herb scissors...

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    1. Thanks, Lane. Glad you could stop by! Now...about those scissors...

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